My Gummy's Grill

Having kids is scary. Just physically preserving them is a daunting task. When they're newborns, you're worried, Am I holding their head up right? Are they still breathing? When they are toddlers and they become mobile, I swear your job is to save their life 24/7. Stairs are death traps, everything from hot dogs to pennies become choking hazards, and electrical outlets become a source of obsession.

I thought as my children got past that stage that maybe, just maybe, we'd be able to exhale. Relax. What I didn't realize that you have a lot of external resources in those early years to help safeguard your little one. Babies R' Us sells stair gates and outlet covers. You can baby proof your house. But as your kids get older and more creative, you really can't predict or prevent some of the random or crazy stuff they decide to do. And those are the times they really get hurt.

A couple of weeks ago, my dad was watching my girls at our house. I called home as I always do to check on them. Gabby got on the phone and said I have a blood toof. I asked my dad what she was talking about and he said she just fell and her mouth had bled a lil around her tooth. I thought nothing else of it.

I had a dentist appointment on my side of town yesterday, so I stopped home before my appointment to brush my teeth. As soon as I walked in, Gab walked up and said, Look at my blood toof. I pulled her top lip up and at first thought I saw a TON of dried blood and asked my dad why he hadn't wiped it off. So I went to go wipe it off, and realized it was hunks of gum tissue literally just hanging off the bone. I about died.

Apparently, she was playing hide and seek with a neighbor while I was at work/ dad was watching her. She ran into my bedroom, tripped and slammed her face into my metal bedframe. I found blood all over my bedspread. My dad didn't even look at her mouth after she fell. He says because Gabby only cried a little when it happened.

I called her dentist, who was out of town. I asked them what I should do. They said either Children's Hosp or since I was going to the dentist, have her look at her. I preferred the latter, only because she's specialist and I've had bad experience with ERs, even Children's. She took one look at her, said it was serious, and called a gum surgeon who agreed to see us right away.

They did xrays because they were afraid of bone damage. Luckily there was none. He said they could let the tissue die but that could cause bone loss/damage. That's not good. So he said they'd try to repair it, which I didn't understand how they could do since it was a jagged mess. But when he went in to stitch it up, they realized it was more severe - she had ripped through a muscle in her gums above her teeth. They ended up having to remove that muscle. He said it's a muscle you don't need - it's only used in embryonic stage of life to bring your palates together. They moved tissue around to piece Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Anyway, she's short a gum muscle and gained 8 stitches. Doc says her front two teeth will probably die (luckily they're baby teeth) but if they die they will try to treat them and not remove them because of her age - a loss of two front teeth leaves too much space and will wreak havoc on the rest of her mouth. So she very well might have two black hillbilly teeth until she's five. If that happens I'm gonna get her shirt that says, "I really do brush my teeth. I just like to bite chew on metal."

I have to say, I'm so proud of my Gab - she is so tough. During all of that, not a single tear was shed by my little girl, not a single whine or complaint. She was giggling and playing with all of the nurses and doctors and was 100% compliant with everything they asked. In the words of her older sister, Gabzilla is so brave, Mommy.

(Side note: since we are on the subject of nicknames. One of my many, many nicknames for Gab is Gum Drop - which has morphed into Gummy. Ironic considering, huh?)

She was and still is her normal self, like nothing happened. The only complaining she did at all was because she was supposed to eat soft, cold foods -- and avoid any more trauma to her face of course, so we had to cancel the daily wrestling routine.

She has to been back to the gum surgeon once since the incident and returns in another month. Luckily, we have THE BEST dentist and THE BEST gum doctor. Check out her before and after shots to see the amazing things dentists on the West Siiiiiiiide can do.

Before:

After

Nice grill, huh? Yes, those are gold teeth. And of course a joke.

I'm just glad I can still laugh about this.

In Loving Memory of the Chickens

We never, ever use our front door to enter our house. With the convenience of an electric garage door with keypad entry, there really just isn't a reason. In fact, we very rarely even notice our front door much because the front of our house is rather oddly shaped, with the front porch turned at a 45 degree angle facing away from the garage.

This past Sunday afternoon while we were out during our neighborhood garage sale, Madelyn decided to sit on our front porch. As she did, she noticed something a little different about our front door, particularly about the wreath placed upon the door. The wreath is made of faux twigs and berries (not those kinds!), but suddenly it had a lot more twigs. It turned out that a bird had built a nest at the top of our wreath and there were three newly hatched baby birdies inside (two visible here):

My girls were very excited. I was amazed. While we don't enter our house via the front door, we certainly have plenty of visitors coming in that way. That day alone, I had easily opened and closed (perhaps even slammed) that door six times because of guests dropping in. No one ever noticed the nest right in front of their face. Mama Bird must have secured her nest pretty well, too. I'm really surprised it stayed put.

Well, it did until last night. Jack was up late watching baseball and suddenly heard quite a commotion on our front porch. He went to the front window just in time to discover that an orange cat had found that a bird family had moved onto our front door. The cat made a giant leap towards the front door and took the entire wreath, nest and all, down with him in one big swoop. Jack tried to scare the cat away, but it was too late. All of the baby birdies perished in the attack.

Mama Bird was not around when the hungry kitty made its attack, but today she has been lingering around the house, sitting atop our deck and roof. In mourning, I guess. I was heartbroken to hear what had happened.

This morning I very delicately told my girls what had happened to the baby birdies. Their reactions, like everything else, could not have been more different. Cat-phobic Madelyn expressed fear and anger at the cat and riddled me with questions about it: whose cat was it, what did it look like, was it still outside, did Daddy get scratched in the attack, will it come back? After those questions were answered to her satisfaction, she proclaimed with dismay, Well, I guess we won't be famous for having a bird's nest on our front door. Sensitive yet silly Gabrielle immediately started crying upon hearing of the news. She kept shaking her head in disbelief and repeating, Those poor little chickens.

Gabrielle's Wish

Last month, we celebrated the fourth birthday of my younger daughter, Gabrielle. As with my older daughter, whose birthday we celebrated just the month prior, the morning after the party I asked Gabrielle what she had wished for as she blew out the candles. Her response was just as touching as was her sister's described in the prior post.

Mommy: Gab, what did you wish for when you blew out your candles?

Gabrielle: (without thought or hesitation) I wished that Madelyn would never have allergies again.

You see, weeks prior to the birthday party, Madelyn had been experiencing horrific allergies, which had kept her confined to the house, crying relentlessly about how miserable she was, and it even caused her to miss a day of school. Her eyes were an oozing, itchy mess, made even worse by her refusal to leave them alone. Try to tell a 6-year-old not to rub her eyes when they feel like sandpaper (heck, I have a heck of a time following that advice myself).

Anyway, clearly Madelyn's extreme discomfort had really made an impact on her little sister, worried her even. But I have to say, this caring statement from Gabrielle was not in the least bit surprising to me. I know I'm biased and all, but I swear to you, this kid is the most sympathetic and empathetic human being I have ever met. When she was just two, she had cried during a Lifetime movie because a baby got hurt. When her sister is sent to time-out (even if it's for something she did to Gabrielle, like pinching her), it affects Gabrielle more than Madelyn. Gab cries for her, tries to sit in time-out with her, pats her on her back, and comforts her. She even tries to talk me into taking Madelyn out and putting her in instead. On the other hand, if Gabrielle is in trouble/ in time-out, Madelyn takes the opportunity to rub her nose in it, tongue stuck out at her, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.

Regardless, I feel I got the greatest wishes granted to me this year (exemplified through the types of wishes made by my girls at their birthday parties): my babies are growing to be incredibly happy, beautiful, and caring little girls (despite the tongue-sticking-out thing).

Madelyn's Wish

Last month was Madelyn's 6th birthday. After her party, I asked her what she had wished as she blew out her candles.

Madelyn: Mommy, I didn't want to make a wish.

Mommy: Why not?

Madelyn: Because I want everything to stay exactly like it is. If I wished for something, maybe that would mess things up and I want things to stay the same.

I cannot tell you how happy that made me -- to know my little girl is so happy. I felt like we must be doing something right. It also made me realize what a deep thinker she is, even at the tender age of 6. To understand the ripple effect of even the smallest of decisions and actions. The butterfly effect.

In that moment if I had been granted a wish, I would have wished for the very thing my Madelyn had inadvertently wished for: nothing. Or maybe more accurately - for time to stand still. To keep my little girls so happy and healthy, loving their life and their family, enjoying the carefree-ness of their youth. That makes me happy, and knowing, feeling, and hearing so openly how much they love me too. There's no greater wish I could make than that present reality and for that I feel so incredibly blessed.

My Big, Brave, Spontaneous Girl

For Christmas this year my husband bought me a beautiful jewelry armoire. It's already March and I had still not gone through my old jewelry box to transport the jewelry into the new armoire. I had promised Madelyn that I would give her my old jewelry box, so I decided today was a good day to tackle the project.

Madelyn helped me go through the jewelry box as I told her the stories and history behind each piece of jewelry. She was most interested in my earrings. She had never wanted to have her ears pierced, but she treasures some gawdy clip-ons I have given her for dress-up.

She suddenly seemed kind of quiet and then left the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she boldly announced, "Mommy, I want to get my ears pierced today." This announcement completely stunned me because she has always seemed very fearful of the entire concept in the past. I asked her if she was sure, and she asked how badly it hurt. I told her it felt like a very sharp pinch. She asked me to demo the pinch on her ear, which I did. She repeated that she really, really did want to get this done - and today - so I said ok. It was already 4pm on a Sunday, so we rushed to get ready and headed out for the mall.

Now my Madelyn can be quite the drama queen, especially when it comes to sickness or pain. At least she has been that way in the past. So I told my husband to prepare himself for a good hour of screaming and drama when the piercing occurred and probably for a few days afterwards. I told Maddie it was ok if she cried, that it probably would hurt a little.

When we got to the jewelry shop, I showed Madelyn the display of earring selections for new piercings. She pointed to the largest, most gawdy cubic zirconium earrings in the case. It was nearly the size of a dime, I kid you not. I explained to her that the earring was too large and that she would get it caught on something, so she settled for a cz earring 1/100th of the size.

The girls at the store prepped her (they did both ears at once), and it was over in a zip. Much to my surprise, my girl did not let out the slightest whimper - before, during, or since. After it was done, she admired herself in the mirror, hopped down from the chair, and started picking out more earrings for her collection. It took my husband and I both awhile to pick our jaws up off the ground. We were beaming with pride at our big girl. Our big, brave, spontaneous girl.

The minute we left the shop, Madelyn grabbed my hand, smiled from ear to ear, and said, "Now I'm EXACTLY like Mommy!" As she started to literally skip down the hall filled with pride, my eyes welled up with tears.

Like Fiery Mother, Like Fiery Daughter

Sometimes I worry that my older daughter, Madelyn, is too much like me. Actually, I worry because she is exactly like me in nearly every way, inside-out. If you know me, I'm sure you're thinking, "Soooooo what? You are such a cool person - she should count her lucky stars if she's anything like you." Well, thanks! ;)

What you don't know is I wasn't always the fun-loving, relatively "together" person you know today. I've spent the bulk of my life not knowing what to do with an overwhelming feeling of intensity - about everything. Over the past 30-something years, I have cultivated that intensity and learned how to funnel it in positive and productive ways. Reign it in when need be (well, ok, a little). And today I love living and feeling life with the severity that I do. But I didn't always know how to handle it, especially as a child.

You would think that having this never-extinguishing ball of fire in your gut would cause you to act out as a kid - be the trouble-maker in class, the wild child. Not so much. I spent most of my childhood trying to contain it, worried that others could see the flames fuming out my ears, hear the crackling fire. It caused me to be fiercely introspective and obsessively controlled at school and around my peers. I would just let my feelings simmer until I got home. Once I was in my safe place, I let it all out. Release the fireball. My poor family. I think they walked around with third-degree burns most of the time. It wasn't that I was an angry child. I really wasn't. I just didn't know how to handle all that is "me." And most people in my life today don't know how to either! ;)

In school I became a one-on-one kind of friend because I was not capable of being "sort of" friends with anyone. Surface-level anything has never, ever been enough for me. I would be your bestest friend and protect you and love you vehemently - from the very pit of my soul.

My Madelyn is the same way. And someday this will serve her very well. But she's beginning to endure the same inner struggles that I had as a child. At home the kid is animated, loud, and...intense. In school, she is apparently following Mommy's pattern and is barely saying a word to anyone, hoping they come to her. It makes me so sad because she is not letting anyone at school know what a cool kid and great friend she is. But I understand it because that was me. I just hate to see her miss out on opportunities that I did because I didn't allow myself to break out of my self-imposed constraints. And in all honesty, even as an adult I haven't broken out of that entirely either. Sometimes it takes some time for me to "come out," but I get there now - completely - sooner than later. I know she will, too, eventually.

But as a mom, I want to prevent her from being hurt now. Three-fourths of the school year is already over and she has barely made any friends there except a friend she had built-in from dance school. That friend is probably the most outgoing and popular kid in her class. Madelyn just can't keep up with her. Being the one-on-one kind of friend that Madelyn is, she gets so upset because this friend is always surrounded by other kids. Madelyn is withholding her innate aggressiveness, so she ends up standing on the sidelines, trembling. This friend is deservedly popular, however, and constantly looks out for my Madelyn and tries to pull her out, but most of the time it is in vain. Unless they are alone - then Madelyn comes literally dancing out of her shell. (Note to self: remember to post the Baby Got Back story.)

Over the past few weeks, I have been planning Madelyn's birthday party. There is a girl in her class about whom Madelyn has been raving since starting school, so I asked her about inviting this girl. Madelyn immediately clammed up and said she didn't want to invite her anymore. Clearly something had happened to change her mind. I kept pressing what was wrong, but she was embarrassed about it. She finally told me that it was this girl's birthday a week or so ago. On birthdays, the teacher has them stand up and pick friends to represent the birthday cake "candles" while they sing. Of course the birthday child gets to pick the number of candles/friends as their age. So this girl got to pick six friends. She didn't pick Madelyn to be one of her candles. Not even making the top six friends totally broke Maddie's heart. Which in turn totally broke mine. I guess she thought they were friends.

You would think that having a child exactly like yourself would make it easier to parent that child. I mean, I've been through all this before, felt exactly like this before, right? Well, it only makes it more painful. Because I know from experience the only person that can pull her out of it is herself. Mommy can totally understand it and relate and talk her down and up best I can. I have to believe that helps. The best I can do is show her by example that you just have to love and be yourself. Someday she will embrace her intense, complicated self with pride and understand how powerful and wonderful it is to be her. Just the way she is. Just like Mama.

What's Hiding Under Her Bed

My husband and I recently discovered that our five-year-old daughter, Madelyn, has been hiding things under her bed. Specifically, she's hiding dolls she does not want to share with her sister, cash (I found a $10, a $5, and some singles - where she got this, I have no idea!!), and literally hundreds of drawings, colorings, or printouts.

Maddie is a absolutely obsessed with drawing and art. She probably draws at least 10-15 pictures a day and colors just about that many per day in a coloring book. She also likes to get on the computer and play "design" games. If given the chance, she will print out not only every page she designed, but also every web page she finds "pretty." She has been warned to keep the printing to an absolute minimum because we have been paying out the yin-yang in paper and expensive color printer ink, but apparently she has been printing more than we thought and has been hiding the evidence under her bed.

Madelyn is incredibly proud and protective of her collection of drawings, so today we took her out to buy her storage and filing cabinets for her most prized pieces with the understanding that she would go through her stash and try to narrow down her collection if possible. She began this task about an hour ago when she asked me to help her decide which ones to keep. I was absolutely floored when I started to actually go through her papers.

This beautiful and talented child had not only kept her prized drawings and printouts, but to my surprise she had torn out pages from her coloring book that I had colored. They were nothing special (in my eyes), but they had apparently meant the world to her. I asked her why she had torn them out and hid them under her bed, and she said, "Because you colored them, Mommy." She could remember everything about the day I had colored each of those pictures with her. In addition to the coloring pages, there were random pieces of paper that I had written on, all of which Madelyn could recollect the day and reason. One was a piece of scratch paper on which she and I had played Tic Tac Toe in the waiting room at her dentist's office.

My heart just burst at this discovery, partly because it touched me so deeply that she loved me so much. But her actions also made me wonder if she kept these mementos because our time together is so limited and hurried with me being a working mom and our crazy, over-booked schedules. Is coloring with her mom and special time so rare that she felt she had to protect and treasure those "moments" into a collection under her bed because who knows when it would happen again?

Regardless, my little girl reminded me tonight just how precious our time together as a family really is. Memories are being built right now and there really are no "small" moments to them - or me. I need to slow down and savor these golden years while I still can.

So while Madelyn immortalizes these memories in her collection of papers under her bed, I will make an effort to be better about collecting them here, which was my purpose when I started this blog.